Balance July 2016


noun even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady

I think the majority of us underestimate how critical balance is.  How it is the driving force behind living a beautiful, successful, happy, productive life.  It is very difficult to remain on a steady path and stand tall and proud without balance.

  • Balance with diet; eating healthy, but not to the point of not enjoying the ‘sweeter’ things in life.  Not starving ourselves to the point of feeling ill and edgy, but not gorging ourselves to the point of becoming overweight
  • Balance with exercise; remaining active and exercising on a regular basis, but not the point where our bodies don’t have time to recover and rest
  • Balance with love; not forgetting who we are to be something for someone else, but compromising and giving in some areas to make the relationship as beautiful as it can be
  • Balance with work/personal life; keeping everything in perspective.  Working hard and giving 100% and being proud of the career/job that you do, but walking away at the end of your 8 hour day and letting it go.  Knowing it will be there tomorrow and putting 100% of yourself in to those that you love; your family and friends

You get where I’m going, what I’m saying.  How balance is so important in everything – sports, diet, alcohol, discipline, career, love, friendship, self…..

I have been getting very overwhelmed lately and it hits me out of nowhere.  I can be feeling fine, working away, enjoying a softball or soccer game, being on the motorcycle, whatever I may be doing and out of nowhere the thought of Tim’s upcoming Scan screams in my head SO LOUD and my stomach is immediately churning, my heart bleeding and my eyes crying.  It happens THAT fast.  But I am lucky…I am thankful to be able to pull myself back together by knowing how blessed I am to have Tim here.  I gain this insight through the wonderful people in our Appendix Cancer Support Group.  This group is a such a mixed-bag for me though…  I want to run and hide from the group, I don’t want to read any new posts, I don’t want to see the stories of our New Members crying for help, I don’t want to see the posts of some of our dear friends who are entering end of life stages or experiencing severe pain.  No, I don’t want to see any of that.  BUT…  if i don’t read those posts, if I don’t pay attention to the new people that need support, if I don’t keep up with our dear friends during the scariest times of their life, then why am I here?  Why have I been brought to this part of our life?  Why has God chosen us to be in this fight?  What would be the purpose?

I see where others are.  I see friends who have lost their Husbands/Wives and it kills me to think of the heartache they experience EVERY day.  They make me thankful.  They remind me, without even knowing they do, to appreciate every day.  To be thankful for every single second I have with Tim.  To not dwell on the unknown and the what might be and to embrace and lose myself in the here and now.  They don’t know what a blessing they are to me… and what a gift from God they are.  THEY keep me BALANCED.  They keep me in the reality of what we are dealing with, knowing that at any moment, at any time, things CAN change.  They keep me in the here and now knowing that I cannot put my blinders on and pretend this is not our life.  I have to FEEL the pain.  I have to FEEL the worry.  I have to BE scared.  And once I do…I then have to be THANKFUL.  I have to feel BLESSED.  I have to feel REWARDED.  I have to remain balanced.

Do me a favor if you would…  Find YOUR balance.  Step back, look at your life – be balanced.  Embrace the beauty that is in front of you.  Gosh how I love you all and how very much I want what we are experiencing to scream in your head.  I want there to be purpose in what we are experiencing.  I want it to do SO MUCH good for all of you.  It is not a poor Tim, poor Denise story… by no means is it… there is so much beauty in what we are living…  it is not that at all.  I just want you to know that life can change in a matter of moments and I never want any of you to look back and have regrets; every day is truly a gift.  As I look outside of my office window and see the beautiful blue sky, the marshmallow clouds, see the tress dancing from the light summer breeze and hear the giggles of my daughters enjoying their break from school, it makes me know how truly blessed I am…  and I don’t know if I would know that, having not experienced what we have/are.  So that is why… that is why there are times that I feel compelled to share so much of my head and heart with you all.  I want there to be purpose, always.

Love with all you have and all you can.  Be kind.  Share.  Give.  Be Balanced.

XOXO, Denise

CT Scan:  Monday, July 18th @ 7am
Results:  Tuesday, July 19th @ 8am

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