This Is It…

This Is ItThe day is finally here – it really is – today is Monday, January 14th and at 2:30pm we will be beginning Tim’s final chemo infusion.  Today is so incredibly bitter-sweet, but definitely mostly sweet.  It is bitter because he is going to feel so terrible again.  This final round really scared me because the first week of Round #11 and even beyond the first week, was pretty rough.  I just have a feeling this last one is going to be quite difficult.  We will persevere… we will get through it together.  I cannot believe what different people we are now.  We are so different from the two people that walked in to that first Chemo Infusion on Monday, April 23, 2012… we have changed so much.  My girlfriend Lauri sent me something a few days ago, that spoke to me so deeply:  “and once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.  You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain.  When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in”.  So incredibly true!  Typing that makes me cry – it makes tears fall immediately, rapidly and endlessly down my face.  I don’t know why.. maybe it is because it makes me miss me, miss Tim, miss the ‘us’ from before… but when I really thin about it, I only miss them, me him from before because we didn’t worry about every being without each other.  I cannot say we were living without worry or living without stress before, because we were not… we were just not worried about the uncertainty of how much time we had together.  We are so strong coming out on this side… we are unbreakable and absolutely unbeatable.  There isn’t anything we cannot do.  We are so excited to get through this last round and have a San that provides us with a result fo NED – No Evidence of Disease – that will be our celebration!  We then want to move and move on rapidly with energy and focus on Be uninTIMidated. We will move forward with determination and certainty – with purpose in life – to help others, to save lives, to educate, to empathize… we will do it all.

XOXO, Denise

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